Thoughts About Life

life-purpose

Have it ever crossed your mind? What is your purpose of living? Why do we live? Why do we try so hard to continue living? It is not that I want to commit suicide or anything. It’s just that once every now and then I feel like living a meaningless life, like an empty can on the street waiting to be kicked and thrown out, eventually destroyed or buried somewhere unknown to anyone. To find a lead to my purpose, I sometimes ask people around me about their purpose of living. Often people just give vague answers but there are some answers I remembered. No judging, just sharing my inner thoughts.

From a religious friend: “we have been saved by God thus my life is to serve Him and to let more people believe in God and be saved…” or something like that. But because she is my friend I know she spent hours and hours to study and study for A+ and spent only around 2% of her time for God. No judging but I know this is not my answer.

Talked to academia and scientists resulted in similar answer: “to uncover the secret of life..” I like it but how to do so? Went online, found life experiment videos (feel free to find some here), watched and … remind me why do we need to know other’s secret in the first place?

Environmental people said: “our ancestors contaminated the world and hurt other innocent organism and so we have to take responsibility and mend the earth.” An honorable desire but I think it’s too naive. Just by living human hurt the environment, we are too large in population thus most efficient measure to save the earth is to ask everyone to plant at least a tree then reduce world’s population by, say 99% (around 70 million will be left). See how absurd the idea has developed in my mind? So definitely no.

There are still more but here are the most frequent answer: “to enjoy ourselves and live our life the fullest“. I argued “but then are you working so hard?”. “To eat today and tomorrow, to give my family enough support and to prepare for my pension, I should earn enough for all those.” Again I don’t think that is the same as enjoying life. No judging.

So after all of these discussions, I am still at step zero. I still can’t understand my life purpose. I woke up everyday, go to school and count every minutes in class wishing the clock could go faster while trying hard to retain important information from the lecture. Have lunch and go to class again or go home to do my homework; another boring day. In the less busy days, I try to meet up with some people who most replied by “I need to study” or “ok let’s go to this fancy restaurant..” (that serves cute looking meal so that we could update our Instagram). But then I checked my wallet and only one paper money left and it is still in the middle of the month. Bye fancy restaurant, welcome canteen meal. With a full stomach I went back and watch some movies before going back to work. Oh look at those girls, so skinny and the dress fit them perfectly! *take a glance of my tummy and poke my biceps* remembered what I ate and counted how much calories I intake- I should hit the gym. An hour passed but not even half of the calories gone, I left not feeling any better, just tired and sweaty; another bad day.

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Retrieved from Google 11/1. All rights reserved.

Honestly, I feel like having more bad days than normal one in the last couple years. Could be that now that I am older, I start to understand things and think  too deep but I feel that life is getting tougher, competition is getting fiercer, bad things happen more often and  leisure is top knot luxury. Just by living my life I caused harm to the earth, contributed to animal and plant abused for each meal I ate. Worsened global warming every night I sleep with air-condition on and all electricity I used. And by what do I get? I got to do things I hated (read: school) , eat just to feel guilty, disappointed and unsatisfied by the result I got from hard work, fatigue, sadness and stress. Is this how life should be? Or it is just that I have a pathetic life? You might think that I am being ungrateful for the life I have been given, shelter, family, friends and education. No…really. I am absolutely grateful for everything that had been given to me up until now, but I just do not understand, why was I given these and what should I do from here onI refused to just life, eat, sleep, work die and forgotten.

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8 thoughts on “Thoughts About Life

  1. Everyone always have a reason to live. Whether you realized it or you ignored it or you’re still being prepared to be the ‘something/someone’s purpose’; but I believe we’re all here for something. Maybe you haven’t realized/met your ‘purpose’ of being in this world.

    Maybe you’re here because you’re needed by someone, actively, maybe by being their friends? Maybe by being alive, you actually did make your friend’s life better?
    Or maybe you’re here because you’re needed passively, as in you never did anything but it made an impact on their life, like when maybe someone saw how you deal with life and it became their inspiration to continue theirs? You never know ;p

    Based on my experience, everyone always have a reason and purpose of living. Whether it’s an active or passive purpose. 😀

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    1. It is a very nice idea that I could be needed by someone out there passively, and way new perspective I never thought of. Yes, as you mentioned, I haven’t found my reason that is why I feel so pointless in this life journey. I have been seeking for it for so long that I actually got tired of looking. Nyaww, have you ‘meet’ your life purpose?

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  2. These writing really remind of Steve Jobs quote “Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everythingelse is secondary”

    “follow your heart and intuition” might somehow be an abstract concept for most people, but I do seek my life purpose by following my heart. My heart ache when I see people abused, my heart ache when I know natural disaster happened out there and people are suffering, more or less I know one day I will find my place helping these people however I can. Not only because it’s a good deed, but it will also give me satisfaction in my heart. I can make a difference, and so the others. It might just be a tiny impact, but it allows me to find my place. Might sound naive, but those smile after helping other, those “thank you” that you get, that’s the thing that can fill one’s soul 🙂

    Oprah used to have the same struggle as we do, I recommend you to listen to her story about how she actually able to find her passion and help people, and feeling alive herself.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing, I can feel how much feeling you’ve put into these writing. I don’t know if my writings will help you somehow, someway, but keep looking for it. I believe you will find it someday. Best of luck.

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    1. Thank you for sharing and your recommendation too. I will surely visit her site and hopefully find something there. You have such an honourable passion, and you are right, that smile and “thank you” are very precious to me too, thank you for reminding me of those. Someone taught me that small things to us could give gigantic impact to others so keep up the positive spirit.

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  3. I don’t think it’s that bad to not having your answer yet; In fact, I think most people haven’t really found their absolute standing, or their “life purpose” as you so described. It’s just that we humans as individuals have varying levels of acceptance to what is preconditioned into our lives; Your friends accept things easily while you happen to be very critical, and this does not mean your life lacks meaning, doesn’t mean it’s bereft of value. You just happen to be in a situation that sucks every living force out of you.

    If you feel your life has been monotonous, you can try doing things differently (writing this blog is a start, you know). Shift your routine, balance your schedule so you can spend more time doing stuff that keeps you happy. Meet new people to expand how you see the world and in time, you will either get closer to your answer

    or you’ll just forget that you ever asked for an answer.

    What nyaww said is also a point I’d like to emphasize; You influence people in the most unimaginable ways possible; In fact, I think you already did.

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    1. Yes, after all I might just be too overwhelmed with many things happened around me recently. All of you have very kindly reminded me of the more important things in life. Changing routine is a must I will do, shift all these negative vibes and try things as you suggested. Your words mean a lot to me really, thank you.

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  4. This is a good topic. Everyone is also asking for what their purpose in life. Well some good quote or religion statement won’t answer all, but I agree with them (comments earlier) that what you passion about and how you life can be meaningful to other and that’s one (of many) purposes of being human. Inspired other to think and act. For me, its better to think that what our purpose in our life rather just ‘enjoy’ life. this is one thing that I also wander since in university. Everyone has their horrible and happy moments and its good to have it! Bcs we can hv a more stronger and stable mentality. Just personal opinion. I like your writing.

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