Average + Stupid + Naive

For people who are lost in life, I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Through this post I also hope that you could reach out to me and let me know that I am not alone.

I am going to finish my undergraduate study and graduate as soon as next month. I heard of this important stage of life in which I have to decide if I will want to join the workforce, continue my study or marry someone and enjoy life. I know that I should have had the answer of this life question last year but here I am, still stuck in the same intersection. Well, of course I did not spend the last 365 days just to be confused and expecting my answer to knock on my brain prior to my graduation, next week. I utilized my confusion period to apply to every possible possibilities that came into my path. All kind of jobs and graduate openings in universities. The only thing I did not manage to do is to find a good husband candidate but let’s drop that option at least for the mean time.

Now here comes the dilemma; no one wants to employ me and I don’t know which university to apply. The first point left me asking : “How come?” because, my peers with similar qualifications are all enjoying their life at the moment knowing that they will need to work hard in one-two months time. So how come?

So apparently, I am too honest, too stupid and too average.

  1. Too honest meaning, I don’t lie about my ability and interest. I keep some to myself but never lie and say things that I don’t believe. I have this naive sense of justice in which even in my cover letter and interview I will not say things that I know the companies wanted to hear if I don’t believe them. Big mistake. Initially I was super honest, bluntly stated my opinion and duh, no follow-up a all. After meeting a career adviser and changed my letter (and cv) as he suggested I started to receive round 1 interview offer. 1 second happiness. Three interviews (2 video interview, how do you expect me to talk naturally to my laptop screen?) and more rejection emails came to my inbox. I talked to another expert that know my personality and he told me that I need an intensive training on how to talk pretty interview style. Whatever it meant. Too abstract? Here is an example of interview question:
    “What is your career plan?”
    Honest: I am a flexible person and my plan changed according to situation. My short term plan is to learn as much as possible and I believe I will be able to structure my plan better using those new knowledge in the future.
    Ideal answer: I will be your company’s youngest associate! — Duh
  2. Point 2 summarized point 1: too stupid. Literally stupid and naive. I was so sincere when I applied each and every of the job. I wrote my cover letter accordingly (not just copy pasted) and analyze the company to best I can before the (first-round) interview. But you see apparently being sincere is a waste of time and energy. Some friends told me to just pretend to fabric my cover letter and talk pretty about the company. If specific question came up, just go around — that’s what they called being smart interviewee. Duh x2.
  3. Too average. There are at least 7 billion people breathing in the world in this very moment. Maybe 1% of that number are in the same age group as me – that’s a lot of people competing. So I am not an outlier, just normal girl with my own strengths and weaknesses. This is not an easy mindset, I used to think that I am inferior to others but I had improved my self-esteem a little and acknowledge everyone is just average so I don’t feel bad. That is once again WRONG. Another friend told me this; even if you are average, you got to speak and make the interviewer belief that you are exceptional. The hard part is I am bad in selling myself. I am good at convincing people about mostly everything because I believe it is true but since I am not the most optimistic person I don’t blabber about things that I can do. In fact, more like I downgraded it such that I am 100% sure that it is something to my ability. WRONG x2.

Now I see a bit explanation in my question of “how come?” but that does not mean that I am better off now. The whole things are just very vexing and the idea of soon-to-be-unemployed is killing me. Why is there no any company that accept this honest and naive girl who really is a hard core learner?

Moving on to option 2. “I don’t know which university to apply” sounds stupid and you might be shouting, just apply randomly based on the rank. My problem is fund. While I am certainly is a curious and persistent person but financial support is very limited to me. Also, I am a big fan of doing my own study and research but less of a big fan in remembering researcher’s names, so I cannot recall any names or university in which potentially will accept my admission. Moreover, my grade was not so godly either and that make things harder to convince genius professors to be my supervisor. But once again,

WHY IS IT SO WRONG JUST TO BE HONEST ABOUT MY PASSIONS, ABILITIES AND LIFE?

Frustration unloaded, going back to real life and hunting job.
All of the above are just my feeling and I hope I did not offend anyone.

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